Saturday, December 10, 2005

After reading a thought provoking blog by waiterrant, the provoked thought of homelessness and what it would be like to be homeless restored a memory of being thirteen years old in waco, texas. I was thirteen when my parents allowed me to go down to waco in order to serve at a homeless shelter for a week. During the week I did community service through digging a sand volleyball court in ground that felt like a building's old foundation. Towards the end of the week, they announced to us that we would be going through a homeless simulation - a little experience that my parents were informed about but which had elluded me. A group of highschool and junior high students, including myself, would be woken up in the middle of the night to go get thrift store clothing and shoes that would last us for two days. we received no money, had to beg for food, sleep outside, and accomplish an array of tasks on a "scavenger hunt style" list. Waco was a scary place. I'm not comparing its dangers to new york city or memphis but we were definitely in danger. drive-bys occurred frequently throughout both nights. we met so many true homeless people through our endeavor. It was amazing to talk to them and hear about their lives and see what they had seen. Not all of them are crazy or depressed. Some are simply skeptical. Skeptical about their families, society, or stereotypically the government. Some of the funniest people i have met. Caring. Most that i spoke with were down to earth and had realized through their experiences what is important in life and they definitely gave at least one spoiled kid from a-town, texas a new perspective and an eye-opening appreciation for the things i have. Whats the point of having five coats when a man has none. why should i eat to the point of needing a new pair of pants if there is enough food left over to be put in a take-out box that could be given to feed several people in need. After i hadn't eaten for a day and a half in waco, me and some friends went to a fire station to ask for some food. After those firemen gave our cute girl accomplices six graham crackers and one liter of big red, we dined as if we were kings (and queens). It's amazing how so little can mean so much. I have amazing opportunities everyday to take something that is just a snack to me and turn it into a feast for someone else. Even if only for a glimpse, i have seen what it's like to be homeless.

Friday, December 09, 2005


Christmas carols, trees, sugar cookies, sugar plumbs, horrible marathons... yes, it's christmas time. There is no better way to start Texas' three week winter than to begin with a wicked cold ice storm sending the population into panic and chaos. There were over 2,000 wrecks in the past two days here in tarrant county. The highways resembled a used car lot featuring great deals on cars missing bumpers and fully equipped with bashed in sides, "i'll sell 'er to ya cheap." The roads honestly were not that bad: it was the incompetent drivers that caused all the problems. It is ridiculous to imagine that texans could go under the speedlimit. the sign says 60 mph so i have to be traveling at least 10 mph over that in order to be a safe and responsible driver. Despite the ice sheets which wrapped up the roadways this past wednesday and thursday, texans all over the DFW metroplex showed their determination and g0-gettim-attitude by risking life and limb on the roads in order to get that new scarf for aunt juanita's christmas present.
dented bumper: $200
broken arm: $750
seeing aunt juanita's face light up as she opens her present christmas morning: 2200 car wrecks

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The Shuffler

10. Dance, Dance - Fallout Boy
9. Only Hope - Switchfoot
8. No Way Back - Foo Fighters
7. Gorrilla Radio - Rage Against the Machine
6. I take you back - Jeremy Kamp
5. Passenger Seat - Stephen Speaks
4. 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
3. Holiday - Weezer
2. Money - Pink Floyd
1. Blackdog - Led Zepplin
So i'm reading the most amazing book, Eli. THe author does an superb job of showing people's reactions and attitudes if Jesus Christ were to come for the first time in the present day. It gives great depth to Christianity and a fresh perspective. The author has shows that Jesus' disciples were average guys, actually, they were typically the bottom-dwellers of society. Eli (Jesus Christ) chooses to include in his closest friends a former porn producer, a cutthroat journalist, and a former neo-nazi. It has been an amazing read especially right before the Christmas holiday. I have been getting in the mindset of the real reason why Christ came and how I should live. It's great to know that Jesus came so that i could be changed and so that I could learn to love Him. God loves me just the same as He loves people that have murdered someone or talks trash about people or whatever. He is an amazing GOd and so merciful but just. it's pretty great. I'm excited about Christmas!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


I started this morning so good. I was so well rested that I actually woke up two minutes before my alarm clock blasted through my ears pushing me out of bed like normal. Next, I took an amazing shower in my bathroom that is roughly the size of an average American's home, but don't forget the minute detail that it is shared by thirty guys (community showers... how glorious...). So my day is going so well that I am in the mood to increase my pleasure of the morning by going to the local bagel/coffee shop right around the corner from my dorm. Mmmmm, if Einstein or his brothers' only contribution to the world was good bagels, I would still stand back at amazement. The only fallback to these amazing brothers of bagels is apparantly their employee standards. Apparantly? well let me explain. I walk up to the counter beaming in anticipation of munching on my bagel while reading my current book, and then I got the desire for a good cup o' tea. I order a cup of tea. "regular tea?" the woman at the counter moans in a deep scratchy voice. "Sure thing," I say looking forward to gaining warmth from my cup seeing as how it is the first 28 degree day for this texas winter. She hands me my cup and my receipt. Grabbing the cup and my receipt, I look among the coffee self-service containers and find no tea bags. Quickly turning to the counter with great inquisition, I ask where the tea bags are and then it happens. She freaks out and gets pissed. She becomes irrate that I didn't understand that "regular tea" actually meant iced tea in "polite people" vernacular. So sorry for your miscommunication lady! Who freakin orders iced tea at 8 in the morning on a freezing cold day?!?! Sorry that you have to work a little bit harder because you lack communication skills and expect everyone to be an Einstein bros. master of the menu. Well I'm not! Through the rest of my time at the bagel shop i wanted to walk over to her and throw boiling hot coffee in her face and cram bagels down her throat so she couldn't talk anymore. Too bad your employees piss off new customers to the point where that customer gives a crap review of the service at your local establishment Mr. Einstein bros. Good bagels though.

Monday, November 14, 2005


Three months ago I had a little run-in with the ex-girlfriend. This is not a bad thing. We were still friends. Some things started happening and we became more interested as we hung out. It all faded away when she and I parted ways and went back to our separate universities. Needless to say, it has been awkward ever since mainly due to miscommunication and unwarranted emotions. However nothing has been as awkward as this past friday night when she invited me to go with her to our friend's wedding.
Waiting for her to meet me at her parents house friday night, I give her a call. "Hey we're on our way," she says quickly, no doubt weaving through traffic, holding her cell, and shifting gears all at once. "We"... "we"... "we." Fifteen minutes later, after analyzing this two letter word for all that it could mean, they came walking through the door. "we" "we" "we"... her brother? no. some other guy? yes. WHY?!?! why would a girl make this the most awkward night for me as possible. it was bad enough that she invited me and then brought this dirtbag on "non-date" date, but it was a double: the ex and her new guy, her parents, and lucky number five (me).
Oh the dreaded fifth wheel. The entire night I was fighting to breath as I saw him open her door and make her smile the way i used to make her smile. The lack of air could have been my tie being too tight, but no. It wasn't. It was the remnant pieces of my broken heart hindering my lungs from taking in air. WHY DID SHE DO THIS CRUEL THING?!?! I should have driven myself. To make the night drag on longer, we went to eat at a restraunt where of course i got to sit next to her dad while they were on the other side of the table doing whatever. Why was this guy even here. He didn't know anyone at the wedding nor was he even invited. Curious. A quick call to my pal drew saves the night. Call him up and he rushes to the rescue and we freakin go out and have some good times with my true friends. the ones that don't shaft me without good reasoning behind it. man i sound bitter; the mark of a broken heart.
*Read the next blog, its a little more cheerful*

This last friday night was one of the most surreal and frightening moments that my mind has ever come across. I found myself in a nice little building with comfortable seating, pleasant music, and many familiar faces, all of which were filled with smiles and excitement. I approached my seat and I was beaming too, for the moment. Shaking hands and hugging my friends and their parents, the norm for what my job entails any given Sunday. The only difference here is that my church burned the pews fifteen years ago. Yep, I have certainly not missed the too close-for-comfort seating that pews provide, especially those that are in a little wedding chapel like the one I found myself in this past friday night.
So why is this scary? Seeing one of my best friends getting married was pure joy in the moment. The true fright came after the wedding, after I had heard about who was engaged from my graduating class and who was already married. What is scary is that I only graduated highschool three years ago, I'm only 20 years old, my friends are all getting married/engaged, I'm not even ready for marriage, but most importantly: I DON'T EVEN HAVE A SERIOUS GIRLFRIEND! SCARY. When all my certainly doomed for defeat friends from highschool appear to be on the road to recovery while I have definitely regressed is a scary thought to have on any friday night. It appears that I have found the true reason why so many college students drink. NO, no that can't be right. Alcohol is what has caused so many of my friends to take the plunge. I suppose it's because alcohol stimulates depression. Maybe they all became depressed and just found that marriage was the only way out. Yeah, that's right, I've justified my situation. I'm normal. They're the wierd ones. I still have a problem though: I'm as single as they come. Sad day

Saturday, October 15, 2005


So I read gumpfaction's heart shaped blog post today (check out my blogroll), it caused great reflection within me (way to go gump!). I'm not sure what one good thing I am about or what I really want to focus on. In the field that I desire to go into it is imperative that I am good at a number of things. Within lies the struggle. To be good at my one thing requires me to be good at a number of things. To be balanced. I always admired my brother and his fraternity due to the fact that their fraternity's focus was developing the "balanced man." It's difficult enough to develop what it is to be man, even moreso to be balanced. I'm not using the term man as having the anatomy and parts that women lack or vice versa, if that were the case then a number of thirteen year old children - yes, children - would be considered men. I'm talking about the strength, passion, desire, wit, cunning, and intelligence that makes man. I'm sure that any woman reading that last line just said, "no man has all those things." Although quite possibly true, one should entertain the notion that there just might be very few true "men" alive today. maybe what it is to be man is balance. understanding the greatness that lies within us that has been covered up by all these social ideas that guys are suppose to be pretty. I think that our attractiveness as guys should be determined by our character rather than our chisled abs, our passion of heart rather than the brand of our man purse. I want to be a guy that is willing to fight for what he believes in, especially when opposition is immintent.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Guilty Pleasure

So I am a twenty year old, straight guy in college that finds himself glued to the tv every tuesday night at 7. What show could the WB possibly produce that causes such devotion and intrigue from a twenty year old male: Gilmore Girls. Yes, everyone laugh now. It's sad but this is definitely what my Tuesday night is set aside for. I'm not quite sure what sucked me into the show. I first started watching it freshman year when my roommate had it on all the time. So i would occassionally laugh at the quick wit and dialogue of the show while paging through my text books. After three or four weeks, I found myself glued to the show. Granted the girls are attractive, but that's not the reason why I watch. The writers are amazing. They have taken the show from a quick and fascinating show about women (of whom I am a big fan), and they have turned it into a show that cover issues like defining a child's identity when leaving for college, how parents react to new transitions, single parenthood and its challenges, and the conflicts that adults have with their parents. I'm struggling with the show right now because I hate seeing the separation of Rory (the daughter) from Loralai (the mother). I suppose the writers have done a fantastic job due to the fact that I really have been antagonized by the thought that they won't speak to each other. Man, I am a sucker. So I have let whoever may read this into my pathetic life and my interest in an absolute chick show. Oh well, it's good writing... i just need to stop trying to justify this